The Secret In the Sauce

So, did you read my post about Christmas and the Chernobyl relationship? Well, we are in full meltdown crisis control over here! I admit, I have been praying for a smooth and 'happy' Christmas but realized after last night that I need to pray mightily for the strength and calm to just get through it without having one of my reactors meltdown itself. Last night we went to a Sing-Along downtown and of course Preston was bored and anxious and he 'hated it.' Afterward, he started sobbing and moaning because the radio in the car was too loud and his ears hurt. This isn't the first time he has had this reaction to the radio but it was still surprising for me. After sharing with others some issues that he has had with food (its generally a terrible thing - unless it is sugary beyond all reason), people started suggesting a Sensory Processing Disorder of sorts. This seemed like an adequate fit for his food issues with aversions to colors, textures, smells; it doesn't ...

I wish I could claim credit for this darling idea but I can't - I got it from my good friend and I have high hopes for it! Let me introduce to you, the Money Tree... She originally had this light-bulb moment in attempting to motivate her kids to make their beds and have their rooms picked up before heading off to school. Each Sunday, seven one dollar bills get put on the money tree. If the bedrooms pass inspection for that day, the dollar stays on; if it does not pass inspection that day, a dollar is permanently removed. At the end of the week, the bills that remain get to be taken off and kept by the kiddos. Preston has been motivated to make his bed, brush his teeth and get dressed (the 1-2-3's) with the opportunity for getting a packet of Bunny Gummies in his lunch (in addition to his regular lunch treat) and that has worked for getting him into a morning routine. The money tree for us comes in to play with his work and behavior at school that has been sl...

Meltdowns - that's what they have in common. And you just wouldn't imagine it looking at that darling little boy! But yes indeed, Christmas time does in fact equal CRAZY time my friends! And I don't mean race-around-the-malls or spend-hours-on-amazon shopping crazy. Nor do I mean multiple-family-holiday-parties (where kids are jumping off coffee tables and barfing around the buffet line) and demands-on-time-crazy. I mean my kids go crazy - literally. And per Preston's psychologist, kids with ADHD or other mental disorders struggle with Christmas; count on the month of December exacerbating all of your child's worst nuances, tics, characteristics. Imagine how overwhelmed - as an adult - you feel during the holidays, but that as an adult you have the capabilities to deal with it. We all know our kids are not privy to our years of wisdom and refined coping skills, which paves the way for possibly putting us at the threshold of hell for this most wonderful time of yea...

I've always loved thanksgiving because I love to eat and my family makes amazing Thanksgiving food! Oh my mother's brined turkey and homemade gravy, my sister-in-law's green bean casserole and pecan pie. It's making my mouth water all over again! I also love the simplicity of it - you gather your loved ones together and enjoy just being with them and EATING! Oftentimes we go around the table and talk about what we are most grateful for. My darling little nephew said how grateful he was for his toys. My sister-in-law talked about how grateful she was for a good brain. SO TRUE! At my family's go-around, something happened that halted the conversation so I never got to say what I was grateful for. More than anything this year, I feel so much gratitude for the people in my life, especially my family. Honestly, I have really lucked out in the people department - my parents are amazing, I adore my brother (and boy did I get lucky with the gal he married - we are cut from ...

I am so positively thrilled to have a guest post by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista, the editor of Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents, Challenging Kids, True Stories . This book has become my new best friend, literally. I keep it on my bedside table to read each night and go to bed comforted in knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles of raising a child with a neuro-behavioral disability. Thanks to Adrienne in all of her efforts to build a community of support for parents and to provide that little bit of extra strength to help us all get through the day. Finding Strength by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista This past Sunday I moderated a panel discussion of the book , Easy to Love but Hard to Raise: Real Parents, Challenging Kids, True Stori es .   I co-edited and contributed to the book along with 32 other parent-writers. The panel was at a local bookstore and about 15 people showed up – friends and supporters of the writers, including my mom, and a handful...

I stopped by my sister-in-law's house last night where sickness was on the rampage. He little girl has had a fever of a 103 for a week and her son just started spiking a fever of the same degree. The clincher is the fact that she has a newborn too! Even though she is very much like me and dabbling in the homeopathic realm, I found myself going through everything she should be doing for the baby and the kids to help keep the bugs at bay. Now, I do have a medicine cabinet with dye-free Advil and Tylenol for the baby in dire emergencies, but I've found that I can manage surprisingly well with my natural remedies. What's the big deal you ask? Well, for one, all OTC medicines and drugs have side effects and I don't like not-knowing what is inadvertently going on inside my body. I sang my praises to Advil for many years using it to help with any manner of pain or inflammation. Three sinus surgeries later come to find out that something in Advil, Sudafed, Claritin and o...

I didn't get the 'memo' but it looks like people are doing a 22 days of gratitude type of deal in lieu of the Thanksgiving holiday. Despite it being a little cliche, there's never a really good reason to not jump on board a gratitude wagon. Aside from that, I was also inspired by the lesson in one of my church meetings yesterday, that was simply on kindness, to re-commit to a few very important goals. 1. I am grateful for all four of mine, his, and our children. Parenting and step-parenting has proven to be one of the greatest ongoing challenges of my life. Not one of my kids is like the other. They all have unique stuggles, quirks and personalities that make me want to sometimes either squeeze them like crazy with happiness or frustration. ;) They are constantly reminding me (unverbally) of what my priorities should be and they are constantly teaching me patience. If I can keep calm and carry on (thanks Mr. Churchill), I think I might actually be okay at this parenti...

So, I missed my post yesterday because I got over-involved in a kitchen re-organization. My kitchen isn't even that messy but I pulled out the vacuum and sucked up the crumbs in the drawers and re-located various items to make my kitchen time not only funner, but easier (and to make room for some new gadgets that I just got from Pampered Chef - which makes kitchen time SO much happier!). The really ridiculous part is that I love doing it - all the time. I've always had a very organized personality. I'm good with that. At any rate, I spent the day before, Halloween, making my famous chili and cornbread and spider cookies. I went to greater lengths this year as I hunted down natural licorice for the spider legs and a red hot replacement for the spider eyeballs. I used a natural cake mix which honestly, just isn't the same as the cake mix that uses those unstable and brain-altering partially hydrogenated oil molecules. Did you the know the half-life of partially hydrog...

Life is tough. I don't know why I would have ever thought that it should or would be easy, but the more time passes the more new and exciting challenges crop up in my path. It never really works to try to maneuver around the issue because it re-appears with a vengeance. Hence, I have started telling myself, "It is what it is. So, what am I going to do about it?" This line of thinking helps me to 1)keep from panicing or riddling myself with major anxiety and 2)give me a chance to make a choice or how I will react. I actually haven't paniced much lately (which is pretty amazing) I just sigh, alot. And sometimes wish things were different but everything always happens for a reason. So, I met with my therapist last week really to vent. She has given me most of the tools I need to work through complicated issues and keep-it-together while doing so. It was one of those weeks though where everything was getting under my skin, and writhing - busy husband, very-busy toddler,...

I LOVE October! I say that and hear in my head, "That's nothing novel - everybody does!" Fall is a popular time of year because people think of a chill in the air that requires cozy sweaters, fires and snuggling. At least that's what I think of. And it usually means less yard work which means more family time (and that could really swing good or bad - my kids become caged animals!). It could also mean more board game time which I like as long as I am winning. Just kidding - I can handle it so long as the winners aren't being smug and cheeky which usually doesn't happen because it is my husband that always wins and he loves being both (to me in particular). I also love tradition (hello Friday night homemade popcorn and movie night). October seems to be the tradition 'kick-off' month as we usher in the holidays. I start pulling all my favorite scary movies (the original black and white 'The Haunting,' 'What Lies Beneath,' and 'Van...

Ah Monday. This pic was a sunset but it looked familiar this morning as it was overcast and the clouds assumed a little more color to their standard gray, white and blue. There's always a little something magical about a storm isn't there? There's also a little confinement and anxiety that comes with it - quite similar to the regular storms that come and go with a kiddo with ADHD. So, back to Monday. A small respite of sorts but also a day of trying to get your head back in the game. Preston went on a UEA trip with his Dad for three days this last week and came home as happy as can be. They biked, and ate at fun restaurants just the two of them. I was excited when he got home and hopeful for the momentum to continue but it came to a screeching halt within an hour of waking-up the following morning. He was sarcastic, back-talking and faking tantrums and anger. At church he was downright defiant and nasty. The fellow behind me stepped outside of his comfort zone and said,...

So... As we know kids with ADHD struggle with linking their present actions to future consequences. This is where being a parent is challenging as we try to teach and train and consequence and re-inforce despite the fact that they don't get it like other kids will. I continue to give Preston choices that he has to live with even though most of the time it doesn't sink in. I also have to hold Preston to the same standards I hold all of my kids too; the home would fall apart if there was not a clear, set of rules and expectations that everyone has to comply with. So, if they meltdown when you ask them to clean the bathroom or take their shoes down to their room, or put a hint of a green bean on their plate, I can't back-down because I expect my other kids to clean-up and try the food on their plate. Because of their emotional erratic tendencies, you do have to go about enforcing a little different. Preston's neuropsychologist put it to me this way: "I...

I ran up to my bathroom this morning for just a minute. Every mom knows that despite thinking that the bathroom is a quiet, private place where it is an unsaid rule that you should never be bothered there - you always are. Today was no exception and Preston came wandering on up and started chattering in his usual, loud and un-aware that he is loud voice. The toddler was still sleeping peacefully just around the corner (which was miraculous in and of itself) and Preston knew that after several reminders already. I shook my head in exasperation of wanting my privacy but also that Preston was talking as loudly as if he had a megaphone attached to his face. I realized quite clearly that I couldn't be too upset because both issues at the moment were absolutely and un-deniably categorical ADHD. I have to remind myself, almost daily, that kids with ADHD are different. Not always different bad, but definitely different. They see things differently, hear things differently, (if they see...

I know this will sound totally crazy - maybe borderline absurd   - but I will often times ask something of one of my kids nicely the first time and then my tone changes with each subsequent request, until finally, I am close to yelling. And that is when they will finally make their move to comply. So, have you ever considered that in using that particular ‘technique’ you are training your kids that they only need to respond when your tone ‘means business?’ I have become hyper-aware of this issue with my youngest kiddo who is approaching his second birthday. He has become a ferret and is in to absolutely everything and he is constantly testing and pushing me – intentionally. He will get really quiet and I know he has found something or gotten into something that HE knows he isn’t supposed to. When I catch up to him he is either waiting for me with cupboard open or holding a spray bottle or he is already at work with his spoils. At any rate, I tell him ‘no’ more and more and h...

What a rollercoaster! He's up, I'm down, I'm up, he's down - and this is just between Preston and I,  not to mention the other two kids and my husband! I was really struggling last week with keeping my cool and my patience and my optimism and then I figured out the big reason why - and yes, it IS PMS. The 'P' for 'pre' is really the key here. After 30+ years I'm finally starting to understand the signals my body gives me (apparently I'm a slow learner or there really is something to the whole 'the frontal lobe doesn't get close to being fully developed until the age of 25' - so I'm just a little slow) and I noticed that for the three days prior to my period I have no tolerance. Pretty much zip, zilch, nada. I don't even have it in me to be 'mostly pleasant.' On Saturday I was downright grumpy and ready to pounce at a moment's notice! At any rate, I decided that without going into the full details of my 'ailment...

I had an old friend message me and ask me a question awhile back that she asked me to answer. She is a fiery and funny gal, nearing 30 and unmarried and the premise of her request was this: "Since I can't make anyone marry me, what I've decided to do is to focus on what I CAN do, especially since a lot of those things take quite a bit of time to implement & become habitual. Then when the time does come to get married, I'll have learned those things & be that much further ahead of the game." I thought I would share my insight here as her request falls completely in line with my life mantra "I only have control of myself." This has been especially helpful to repeat to myself in those moments when you are supposed to count to '10' before reacting/responding - I just repeat my mantra instead of counting. :) Question:  What is one (or a few) thing(s)/talents/skills you wish you'd developed before you got married/had kids or something y...