I am BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT Just as God Created Me to Be.
When I first started this blog as a mama to a kiddo with ADHD, I realized the only way I was going to get through it with my sanity was to repeat the mantra: "I only have control over myself." It gets tricky to remember this as you do ALL the things to help your kids go in the direction you think they should be going. But remember this:
YOUR GREATEST PAIN, FRUSTRATION AND DIFFICULTIES WITH OTHER OTHERS WILL STEM FROM YOU TRYING TO GET EVERYONE ELSE TO BE HOW YOU THINK THEY SHOULD BE.
-Darren Hardy
Focus on changing you; in your relationships, as parent, in life. I had a good friend say to me, "God created you to be different. Don't do what everyone else is doing." You are the only you out there and start believing that you are fabulous and have faith through the trials of life! But really, we get married and try to change our spouse. We have kids and try to change our kids. The best way to bring about change is to be the first one to change; be the example and always be a work in progress. Perfection does not exist, so let it go.
This is the one time I will tell you that it really is all about you. Everything you do in life, will start with you. How wonderful and horrible at the same time! How I react to the good and the bad will either lend to my wisdom or lead to my undoing and will certainly have an unprecedented affect on those around me. For this reason, I must always come first - to love, to take care of, to master. Learn to always look to yourself for what is happening in your life. Practice the art of taking accountability and stop blaming other people or circumstances for what may come your way. I'm pretty sure I will be working on this for the rest of my life, but it will be the quickest path to where ever it is I am going.
I've learned this secret the hard way through personal experience. As a divorcee, mother to a child with ADHD and ODD; step-parent in a blended family and as an ordinary gal trying to make it all work, I know that true happiness will only come from me; it is not dependent on anyone or anything.
I've learned this secret the hard way through personal experience. As a divorcee, mother to a child with ADHD and ODD; step-parent in a blended family and as an ordinary gal trying to make it all work, I know that true happiness will only come from me; it is not dependent on anyone or anything.
Which leads me to the next step in my journey and the continued evolution of my message and mission.
Happiness is a choice, not some destination that we will arrive at when everything in life magically falls into place. Nothing worthwhile is easy and nothing easy is worthwhile; every single day of our life will take effort and self-mastery. It isn't meant to come freely or easily or without bumps in the road. I love this guy, more than anything! But sometimes I wanna smack him upside the head with a rolled-up magazine - he drives me absolutely nuts! Sometimes we bicker, we see things differently and I think mean thoughts about him in my head that he doesn't know about (sorry babe). But, I work everyday to forgive quickly and even quicker I remind myself that I am just as much of a stinker, sometimes.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace."
So take care of yourself! Live your life intentionally. Answer without hesitation for what you do and who you are. Set time aside to do what you love - it will keep you happy and enable you to share more love and be a light to others. Your abilities as a wife, mother, sister, friend (and men, this does go for you as well - husband, father, brother, friend) expand exponentially when you are good with you and that requires finding your personally balanced, happy place.
Aside from the basics, here are the nuggets of wisdom that are helping me the most in living my life more happily.
Embrace that you you are flawed and then learn when you screw-up. We are human and imperfect by nature and there is no way around this. I've taken to reflecting on each day and recognizing my triumphant moments and the moments I really train-wrecked. I then consider what some other alternatives to that train wreck may have been and how I could handle it better next time (because there WILL be a next time).
There is a blog post by DaringYoungMom titled, Drops of Awesome. I believe she has even had it published. Buy it. Read it. Now. http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/ She so perfectly sums up how important it is to recognize our daily efforts rather than dwell on all that we didn't do and all that we aren't. We aren't super people and I'm not quite sure when it entered our brains that we are supposed to be. Recognize what a waste of energy it is to ruminate on what a schmuck you are every time you handle something wrong (which happens often for everybody). Sometimes I yell at my kids, the house doesn't get cleaned, I didn't get dinner on the table, I forgot an appointment, I should have said no when I said yes, or I should have said yes when I said no, I killed my flowers because I forgot to water them, I spent money I really didn't have shopping at Black and White, I took a jab at my husband and the hundreds of other wrong or dumb things we do every damn day.
Being flawed is not an excuse; it is a reality that requires you to be honest with yourself and open-minded. You have to be able to really recognize what you are doing that may be fanning the flames of contention and problems and be willing to make changes; you have to find the teaching moments in everything that happens and strive to be better the next time around. Our whole journey here is about effort. Our 'best' varies from day to day - even moment to moment, so even doing our 'best' isn't a great indicator of our progress. The key is to always strive for better; to recognize when you need some help, let go of all the nuances that don't matter, and to always take time for you. Life is trial and error and simply putting in your best effort. At the end of the day if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And YOU are the only person you have absolute control of. Become a responder, not a reactor.
Simplify life. Love it, embrace it, enjoy each moment, find the positives in every situation. Create happiness when there is none to be found. Laugh or smile when you don't feel like it. Most of what happens on a daily basis isn't a big deal - don't make it one. Know that your life will bloom where your focus is for better or for worse.
Don't compare yourself to anybody else. We tend to compare our worst to somebody else's best. What purpose that does serve, ever? You have no idea what anybody else's life is like. I recall a good friend of mine telling me, "I want my marriage to be like yours - you two are so happy!" She said this just before my first husband and I separated; unaware of the years of tumult that had been occurring. Everybody has issues, ghosts in the closet or excess baggage - it's life and it is messy! You will always find someone that has less than you or more than you. Somebody more beautiful or thin, or fatter or uglier. Don't strive for perfection because it doesn't exist. You have to do what works for you and your family. Basing decisions or your perception of self off of anything else is totally pointless. Truly.
Decide what you want and go get it. In order to make changes to take care of yourself, you have to know what you want and be specific. Write your goals down, read it out loud, record it, listen to it. Write down what you want as if you already have it and imagine what that feels like. What you think about you will bring about; it's in your hands. Be the change you want to see in your world!
Figure out what being happy means to you and then make it your mission to enjoy YOUR journey. We can always seek out the sunshine. I always know where to find my fur-baby because she will be in the one spot in the house where the sun is shining. We all want to be in the sunshine, but sometimes we have to look for it. Go find it!
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace."
Life is about you and your journey.
Aside from the basics, here are the nuggets of wisdom that are helping me the most in living my life more happily.
Embrace that you you are flawed and then learn when you screw-up. We are human and imperfect by nature and there is no way around this. I've taken to reflecting on each day and recognizing my triumphant moments and the moments I really train-wrecked. I then consider what some other alternatives to that train wreck may have been and how I could handle it better next time (because there WILL be a next time).
There is a blog post by DaringYoungMom titled, Drops of Awesome. I believe she has even had it published. Buy it. Read it. Now. http://www.daringyoungmom.com/2012/12/19/drops-of-awesome/ She so perfectly sums up how important it is to recognize our daily efforts rather than dwell on all that we didn't do and all that we aren't. We aren't super people and I'm not quite sure when it entered our brains that we are supposed to be. Recognize what a waste of energy it is to ruminate on what a schmuck you are every time you handle something wrong (which happens often for everybody). Sometimes I yell at my kids, the house doesn't get cleaned, I didn't get dinner on the table, I forgot an appointment, I should have said no when I said yes, or I should have said yes when I said no, I killed my flowers because I forgot to water them, I spent money I really didn't have shopping at Black and White, I took a jab at my husband and the hundreds of other wrong or dumb things we do every damn day.
Being flawed is not an excuse; it is a reality that requires you to be honest with yourself and open-minded. You have to be able to really recognize what you are doing that may be fanning the flames of contention and problems and be willing to make changes; you have to find the teaching moments in everything that happens and strive to be better the next time around. Our whole journey here is about effort. Our 'best' varies from day to day - even moment to moment, so even doing our 'best' isn't a great indicator of our progress. The key is to always strive for better; to recognize when you need some help, let go of all the nuances that don't matter, and to always take time for you. Life is trial and error and simply putting in your best effort. At the end of the day if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And YOU are the only person you have absolute control of. Become a responder, not a reactor.Simplify life. Love it, embrace it, enjoy each moment, find the positives in every situation. Create happiness when there is none to be found. Laugh or smile when you don't feel like it. Most of what happens on a daily basis isn't a big deal - don't make it one. Know that your life will bloom where your focus is for better or for worse.
Don't compare yourself to anybody else. We tend to compare our worst to somebody else's best. What purpose that does serve, ever? You have no idea what anybody else's life is like. I recall a good friend of mine telling me, "I want my marriage to be like yours - you two are so happy!" She said this just before my first husband and I separated; unaware of the years of tumult that had been occurring. Everybody has issues, ghosts in the closet or excess baggage - it's life and it is messy! You will always find someone that has less than you or more than you. Somebody more beautiful or thin, or fatter or uglier. Don't strive for perfection because it doesn't exist. You have to do what works for you and your family. Basing decisions or your perception of self off of anything else is totally pointless. Truly.
Decide what you want and go get it. In order to make changes to take care of yourself, you have to know what you want and be specific. Write your goals down, read it out loud, record it, listen to it. Write down what you want as if you already have it and imagine what that feels like. What you think about you will bring about; it's in your hands. Be the change you want to see in your world!Figure out what being happy means to you and then make it your mission to enjoy YOUR journey. We can always seek out the sunshine. I always know where to find my fur-baby because she will be in the one spot in the house where the sun is shining. We all want to be in the sunshine, but sometimes we have to look for it. Go find it!