Monday, October 15, 2012

A Little Something on ADHD That Makes a Big Impact

I ran up to my bathroom this morning for just a minute. Every mom knows that despite thinking that the bathroom is a quiet, private place where it is an unsaid rule that you should never be bothered there - you always are. Today was no exception and Preston came wandering on up and started chattering in his usual, loud and un-aware that he is loud voice. The toddler was still sleeping peacefully just around the corner (which was miraculous in and of itself) and Preston knew that after several reminders already. I shook my head in exasperation of wanting my privacy but also that Preston was talking as loudly as if he had a megaphone attached to his face. I realized quite clearly that I couldn't be too upset because both issues at the moment were absolutely and un-deniably categorical ADHD.

I have to remind myself, almost daily, that kids with ADHD are different. Not always different bad, but definitely different. They see things differently, hear things differently, (if they see or hear certain things at all), understand things differently. And really, most of the time they don't understand. I read something last night that truly resonated with me and is something my husband and I often discuss with differing viewpoints:

"Children with ADHD have a hard time learning from experience, whether the experience is positive or negative. The child with ADHD, may make a mistake repeatedly before learning not to do it again. The child with ADHD has trouble applying past experiences to future problems and is unable to predict the consequences of his or her actions."

This seems like fact to me as I see it everyday. Preston rarely takes responsibility for his actions and see's everything as someone else's fault. Hence, I'm the meanest mom ever, all the time. Kids with this disorder are also totally un-aware of themselves or their surroundings - their personal space, others' space, their actions, and the fact that Disaster Clean-Up needs to be on-call 24/7 for the state of their rooms. This is why Preston chattering loudly while the baby is asleep around the corner isn't something crazy - he's just not self-aware. This is where being a parent is challenging as we try to teach and train and consequence and re-inforce because they don't get it like other kids do. I continue to give him choices that he has to live with even most of the time it doesn't sink in. It's still my fault that his lego's got taken away. Yet, I persevere because at some point it will stick. It may take years though. I'm still fighting alot of the same battles, but really as parents, that's what we do until they are moved out of the house, right?

Preston's psychologist told me once that we hold these kids to the same standards as all of our kids; it's how we go about managing them that is different. What does that mean exactly? That's my other big battle - especially with a your's, mine and ours. Talk about crazy dynamics. Oi. And that's what's coming up next. Stay tuned.

3 comments:

  1. You're an amazing mom, Brittany. I have a daughter just like that... so frustrating when they refuse to take responsibility no matter how hard you try to teach them. But it looks like you're trying so hard to understand him, and help him the best you can. Parenting is sure a refining test, isn't it?! He is blessed to be your son.

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    1. Thanks. Raising these kids make you feel that you aren't succeeding as a parent - quite regularly. Little nuggets like this are good reminders to me when I can't figure out what in the world is going through that little brain of his and realizing that not much is. At least not what I would expect him to be thinking about. There is usually some space battle happening in real time in that mind.

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  2. You're an amazing mom, Brittany. I have a daughter just like that... so frustrating when they refuse to take responsibility no matter how hard you try to teach them. But it looks like you're trying so hard to understand him, and help him the best you can. Parenting is sure a refining test, isn't it?! He is blessed to be your son.

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