With bad behavior you see in your children, look at your self first. Kids mimic adults.
As much as I hate to admit it, when my kids get bossy I can see a little of my bossiness in them. As the parent you are the boss, but I have noticed that there are several methods of delivery that can garner positive results without being overly bossy. Re-phrasing can look something like the following:
* Offering choices.
* Using humor for repeat offenses.
* Making a game of getting something done.
* Remaining pleasant.
* Avoiding criticism and negativity.
I have found staying positive, humorous and encouraging extrememly effective methods as of late with Preston. He tends to get upset and frustrated when I get upset and frustrated. I find myself taking deep breaths and re-thinking the situation to find a positive method of getting done what needs to get done. It is tough when kids just don't seem to catch on (this is where I have to remind myself about what ADHD encompasses) and with that in mind we just have to keep cueing, re-directing and often-times shadowing them until it gets done. I've let go of alot of how I would like to see things done and accept the fact that if he did it, then he did what he is supposed to and that's good enough for me. If how he did something isn't up to par and really big deal to me (his bed sheets are hanging on the floor and his bedspread isn't smooth) then I praise and suggest, "nice work on the bed buddy! Don't forget to keep the bed sheet on the bed and not dangling). And of course, I can fix it if I really want to. Most of the time, it just isn't a big deal.
Also, look at how you and your spouse work with each other and react to conflict. Do you fight? Do you yell? Is one person over-bearing? Does it end peacefully? How we as spouses resolve disagreements and problems sets an example to our kids on how it should be done. If you work through issues with respect and are productive and non-aggressive, your kids will incorporate that into their own problem-solving repertoire.
Have you ever purposefully had disagreements and worked through them peaceably with your kids present to model good problem-solving techniques?