Monday, July 15, 2013

Agree With Thine Adversary Quickly

There seems to be a theme in my life at the moment and it is this: Be the bigger person or in other words, agree with thine adversary quickly. It’s popping up in my marriage, with ex-spouses, and even friends asking for advice in their relationships. It’s a tough road to take because there are definitely moments when I’m in the right (it's okay - it does happen that sometimes you ARE right and sometimes you ARE wrong) and justified in my frustration. I have to stop and consider two things:

1)      Is it worth the contention

2)      By engaging in this conversation is the outcome going to be in my favor

Usually, it isn’t worth the contention and the outcome won’t be in my favor because of two other things:

1)      You can’t talk logically with an irrational person (anger and frustration – aside from crazy – render a person irrational)

2)      People need their point to be the one that sticks

The issue often morphs into being about who will win the argument or about who ultimately is right. In the end I’ve found that most people really don’t want to give up their stance because in some small way it might mean that they aren’t totally right (pride) OR that there could be another way to look at the scenario. The human psyche is a great and fascinating and terrifying beast all at once. In the end, I have to tell myself that I have no control over other people and all I can do is continue to be a good and honest person myself. And then finally, once I make the decision to agree quickly with mine adversary, I have to also make the decision to let the issue go. I find the 'letting it go' part to be the toughest but most important element (and the one that will allow you to be ulcer-free). I'm learning that even with adults, life is smoother when you pick and choose your battles and learn to be flexible. Yes - sometimes taking the high road makes me so damn mad, but I'm a work in progress. :)

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