Experiencing Loss and Brighter Days Ahead

Today is a good day to connect with people. Every day is a good day to share yourself with people! As humans, we need that connection and we need to know that we aren't alone in our experiences! The first time I truly felt that comfort in knowing I wasn't alone was when I had my first miscarriage. I was twelve weeks pregnant with my first baby when at the ultrasound, the heartbeat we heard at eight weeks was no longer there. As it turns out, it wasn't long after that first appointment that my baby's heart stopped beating. I went for four weeks sick and miserable not having a clue that I had miscarried. I had to make the decision to continue to wait to hopefully officially miscarry or have a D and C; I chose the latter.

Several years later after I had had a live birth, I was excited to be pregnant again (I had divorced and remarried since my first kiddo so the year span was simply due to life and not an inability to get pregnant). I was even more excited to find out I was pregnant with a girl! At twenty weeks, my husband and I experienced the heartbreaking news that we had lost our baby and as I was farther along, we decided to induce labor and deliver our little girl. We held that tiny little body and counted her fingers and toes and grieved. 

During both experiences, as friends heard of our experience, people began reaching-out to comfort as they too had experienced loss of pregnancy or infant. It was wonderful to know that I was not alone in this experience and people could relate to how I was feeling and what I was going through. 

When others experience loss there is always the question of 'do I say something?' The answer is YES. We never really know what to say or how to say it - oftentimes we may not be able to actually say, "I understand what you are going through." That is okay. No one expects anyone to say the perfect thing or have any answers to the question that everyone asks: WHY did this have to happen. You say something because it simply lets that person know that you care; you are thinking of them, praying for them and are having hope for them that there are brighter days ahead. And my friends, there are brighter days ahead.

A miscarriage IS a loss. Whether it is eight weeks, 16 weeks or a still birth - it is a a loss. Grieve, mourn and take the time to acknowledge your feelings and know that they are valid. Let people grieve with you and gather strength from those that have been in your shoes. Also know that no matter what, there is a path and a plan for you regardless of what that may be. You may get pregnant again. You may experience another loss. You may have kids, you may not. Have faith that everything happens for a reason. 

Have you considered that many of your experiences aren't solely for you? Our experiences and what we learn from them may in fact be for other people. It can be difficult to open-up and share yourself with others but you never know who you can lift-up through your own personal journey.

Many years ago I dated a fellow that amidst our relationship I took a step back and realized he wasn't meant for me. We had great conversations, got along and had fun but there wasn't a spark and at the end of the day, he didn't really laugh at me in all my hilarious splendor! We obviously parted ways and oftentimes wondered, what did I get from that relationship? (Yes, I reflect on everything that happens in my life and what the take away's are). 

Years later I received an email from this fellow. After some brief chit-chat he said, "I just want to thank you. I learned a lot from you while we were dating and you inspired me to finally get therapy for things that happened in my past that I needed to deal with. That therapy helped me overcome some of my issues and lead me to my wife who I was able to commit to and marry!" Of course the lightbulb went off and I realized that relationship wasn't for me. I'm not saying I'm an amazing person changing lives, however, not all life experience is intended just for us; I  was in that relationship for him. That made it all worth it and that point hasn't left me to this day. 

So my friends, know that you can get through life's challenges. Know that your experience will help you grow and will also impact others if you share it. 

Brittany