It's been 3 years since I've seen the number that I saw on my scale this morning. And I'm pretty pumped about it.
I've struggled with my weight for three plus years. When I say struggle, the plus part is really just me letting go of all my self-control through the holidays, get into really bad habits in the process and then spend the next eight to nine months working off the 5-10 pounds I put on - and then repeat. The last three years specifically though - I struggled to get my weight to really come back down and that was in large part due to Covid. I felt like I was fighting against my body and I hated that my body would not relent. While the frustration is real, I also had some body dysmorphia going on; I was in fact obsessed with my body, how it looked and it was never good enough. I would work out longer and harder to earn my meals. I was told recently that that is a form of an eating disorder, and I can't understand how I never saw that before.
Our bodies don't not need to earn meals. Our bodies also don't deserve to be worked just so we can force unnecessary amounts of calories in them. I do believe food is such a beautiful blessing and there is nothing more heavenly than an amazing steak, a really perfect pizza and a heavily frosted cookie.
Back to post-Covid struggles. I was one of the "lucky" ones who developed long-haulers. Ironically, when my husband started losing his taste and smell, I told him, "I'm not going to lose my taste and smell!" and I was the one who lost it the longest. I lost my taste and smell for four months and when it slowly started to come back, it came back distorted. I could no longer tolerate meat, chocolate, popcorn, peppermint toothpaste, garlic, onions and other random items. It made eating so impossible. I also had hot flashes, was bloated, exhausted and despite all my best efforts, I could not get my weight to come off. I felt so NOT ME.
I had blood work done and everything 'looked great!' Knowing that I wasn't great, I started working with a holistic practitioner and we started peeling back the layers of the onion. Parasites, mold, heavy metal toxicity, sinus damage and after a year and half, we found a big culprit to the heavy metals and inflammation - my breast implants. Truth be told, I'm 99% sure that is why the vid was as hard for my body as it was; it's all about the levels of inflammation in the body, my door was wide-open and it settled in the weakest part of my body, my sinuses.
With all that being said, I started really researching breast implants and Breast Implant Illness (BII), met with a surgeon and got those babies out! Well, that began my move back to better health through detoxing and letting go of the weight that I had been holding on to for so long. I created a modified version of 75-Hard with the intention of creating some life long habits and I'm thirteen days into my second round, down 12 pounds and yep - seeing a number on the scale I haven't seen for three years.
Some people recommend throwing away the scale; I was one of them at one point. It really doesn't tell the whole story. However, I've also learned that pictures don't tell the whole story.
The scale: numbers will fluctuate based on water retention, hormones, and lack of sleep to name a few.
Pictures:
Well, I've learned I look pretty good no matter what in one pair of jammy bottoms I have and absolutely scary in another. But those pics also can
change daily based on the same factors that influence the scale.
So
really, I use the scale, pics and how my clothes are fitting to track my
progress. I weigh myself every morning, first thing - my weight always
changes as soon as I start eating and my metabolism kicks-up. Why every
day? Because as my weight can/will fluctuate day to day, if I weigh-in
just once a week, what if that just so happens to be the day after a
higher-sodium meal and doesn't really reflect where I am at? I have also
been tracking my macros and working with a coach who relies on all the
numbers to determine if my body is responding to what I'm doing.
Here's the biggest win for me:
Not
once, since I got serious about detoxifying my body post-surgery and
getting down to a healthy weight for my height and frame, have I cried
or struggled with my body. I've got the 'before' pics on my camera roll
to prove how many rounds of weight loss I've been through in my adult
life and there have been so many tears of anger, frustration and shame.
How many ladies have stood in front of the mirror and gone through
outfit after outfit hating your body in all of them?
I
went into this deciding to love my body always where it is at, even if
I've made unhealthy choices that have caused weight and toxin gain. My
sweet body is not the enemy! I ask it to do crazy things when I overload
it with food and desserts, laced with chemicals; when I put toxic bags
under my muscles near my most sensitive body parts; when I don't give it
the rest and recuperation it needs; the list could go on and on.
Did
you know that the body protects itself from toxins by wrapping them in
little bundles of fat and then storing them away? The body is amazing!!
It wants to thrive!
I got
to work before I had my breast implants removed to truly learn how to
love my body with all of my perceived imperfections and all. I didn't
realize how far-reaching that would be as I set out to lose the weight I
had put on after surgery and that weight I never seemed to be able to
shake after I had the vid. And loving myself through the process, has
made all the difference in the world. Why wouldn't I love myself - my
weight doesn't change who I am? It can change how I live - I know that
my runs feel easier being twelve pounds lighter. Did I still try on an
outfit or two that I didn't love? Yep! But I just reminded myself I
wasn't ready for it yet!
I
am so excited to see the scale move, see my pics change and get into
clothes that I couldn't wear a couple of months ago. I'm not quite done
yet; I'm not going for some arbitrary scale number that I WANT to be at -
that's more vanity speaking to me. Instead, I am going for where I
should be for my height and frame, give or take.
You're
always you, no matter your height, your waist-size, chest-size, hair
color, wrinkles or wrinkle-free - start loving you, forgiving you,
offering yourself some grace. If you want to make changes, make a plan
to help you get there and if you need help - get it. If you need help
learning how to love your body, reach out to me, I figured it out and
believe in my heart that every woman should. Life moves too fast to not love yourself fully and not embrace life fully because you're too distracted by what others may or may not think of you or because you're so focused on what you don't look like! You are beautiful and perfect just as God created you!
Love,
Britt
Comments
Post a Comment