Monday, January 9, 2012

Update

I'm sure most people have heard of the 'love languages.' It suggests that how we attempt to show our love to others is how we would want to receive it. So for a wife that writes love letters to her husband, she hopes for the same in return. For that husband, he may feel unloved because he needs gifts to feel loved - the wife's letters go unrecognized because that is not his love language.

I think this is true of most things. For the most part, we treat others as we would like to be treated. We do things for other people in the manner that we would look to receive from others in return. I make sure the house is spotless when my husband returns home from a trip because I expect the house to be spotless when I return from a trip. Of course, most of the time I am disappointed because it isn't done the way I would do it. And that is the tricky part. There is a subtle line here because I expect my son's homework to be done well, but what he considers good and what I consider good is different. What my husband considers clean and what I consider clean is different. This is where the idea of give and take is very important. Requirements also get very wrapped up in this issue as well.

Here's the scoop on Preston - if you recall I had a snapping moment last Tuesday and he fell in line. The rest of the week went surprisingly well. He did homework three nights in a row, one night for a full hour. Thursday night he only had spelling that isn't due for a week so I gave him a break. Two days last week he actually turned in his homework - this is absolutely unheard of. He brought his lunch bag home all but one day last week - also unheard of. I have this glimmer of hope that things are shifting for him but I'm too scared to let it really hang around. He's had good weeks before that quickly go south. With that being said, he has been hyper, has been defiant, but the moments didn't last long and were fewer in occurence. He has had tummy aches in the morning as well which I think is the last bit of medication clearing out of his system. He's been having his cleansing drink for about five weeks and has been off his meds for about seven. This is where I hope to start seeing some progress and it may have been last week. We shall see.

Here's my thought - I blow alot of sunshine around and talk about staying positive and not giving-up. The reality is that I have very clear moments when I don't think want to try anymore; it's too much work. I have moments when I am giving up. I have moments when I have absolutely no idea what to do. I really think this is normal and it's okay. We all have breaking points. I guess the trick is to find a way to get back on the horse when it's kicked you off. Easier said than done. This is when I have to consider what I am looking to get back as opposed to how Preston is actually giving back. When Preston makes an effort to make his bed and put stuff away, I have to give him props for doing what he did do as opposed to it not being done to how I would do it. The kid's brain doesn't work like mine (and quite honestly, when it comes to cleaning and organization, I think most people's brains don't work like mine - my mom and sister-in-law would both attest to that. And for that matter, probably most of my highschool friends that actually challenged me to not clean my room everyday for a week.) and even when his frontal lobe catches up and some of his executive functioning skills start to kick in, it still won't be like mine.

I'm working on noticing every little thing he does - turning the lights off when he leaves a room, shutting the bathroom door behind him so the baby doesn't get in there, eating snacks at the table, and even if setting the table for him is just getting the placemats out. I heard yesterday that it's when we are tired and done and upset that that is when it is most important to show love and be calm. This is like asking a dog not to eat a t-bone steak that is sitting in their doggy dish. Seriously. When I feel like I have nothing left to give, I really have nothing left to give. The unfortunate issue here is that with a baby, an ADHD child, an emotional pre-teen step-son and a very, very busy husband, more often than not I have nothing left to give. I heard yesterday that it is when we are tired, exasperated and have just had it that we really need to kick it in gear and show love, be patient, be kind. The muscles in our body become stronger when the fibers are torn and have to be mended after reaching maximum physical exertion or fatigue. When they are repaired, they are re-built stronger than when they were before. It makes sense that this is how we grow mentally and emotionally as well. That sucks rocks. Well, at the very least, I know that the good Lord has promised that he won't give us more than we can handle. And of course, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. The only part that worries me is that sometimes I wonder how close to be killed I am!

Health Tip of the Day
Stress kills. And it makes us fat. Don't get stressed.

Action Items
Bridge
Look for the positive
Count naughty behavior
Be sweet but not a pushover. Preston has to know I mean business and that he isn't in control.
Simplify - over the next little bit I'm going to be blogging on home organization, meal planning and time management. These help with finding more time on the back end and keeping the focus where it should be. They also aid in simplifying other aspects of life so that when the tough gets going, you can focus your energy where it is most needed.

I thought I was all clever and original when I was going to start a project called 'New Year, New You.' I must be so naive because I am seeing it everywhere! At any rate, that isn't going to stop me. I'm tired of resolutions escaping me and I am committing to make some real progress this year. There is no better time than right now. So, in the spirit of 'I change first,' I'm going to follow through.

Peace love and Isagenix

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